I took my walk this evening rather than this morning. I was quite sore when I woke up today and so did some stretching and a short cardio work out to stretch the muscles and get the blood pumping. It helped. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to take a day off from walking tomorrow. Maybe even two days total. The blister I had on my foot has developed a blister of it's own, and it basically arches across my entire left foot. It is unbelievably, distractingly painful. 

Time: 34:00
Distance: 1.67 miles

We went to the park again today, but clocked a slower time due to me feeling a bit more tired/run down and the developing blister that had me limping in the end. If I can stand to wear my shoes tomorrow, I'll go down to the basement to use the weight machine so that I'm still keeping up my daily exercise. 

A little late today but just because it's Valentine's day didn't mean I was taking a break! Jaime stayed home with me today, so I did end up staying in bed ridiculously late, but after I cleaned the kitchen and made some low-carb pancakes for breakfast, we went downstairs to the basement in order to begin my weight training. Jaime took a couple of classes last year and so he still knows all the stretches and how to use the machine. He's pretty mean, but a good trainer, and he had me working really hard. We're going to start doing that 3-4 times a week. I need to increase my strength and flexibility. 

Then we had a leisurely sushi lunch, which isn't exactly low carb, but another lesson I need to learn is how to have some self-control in an all-you-can-eat sushi situation. I picked over the various rolls Jaime ordered and had an order of crab rangoon, but I stopped when I was full. Even when Jaime ordered round two and everything looked super delicious. 

After that, we went to the dollar store to pick up a few things. Including a cheapo desk which I now have set up in my room and I'm using to type this entry. It's not a perfect solution to all my problems, but I think it's a good start, and I'm excited about my new work station. The day was so lovely, I announced we were going to walk around the park. And what a walk it was! 

Distance: 1.75 miles
Time: 30:00 minutes
First mile: 17:59

My best time yet! I could tell that Jaime was really surprised/impressed that I made the circuit without whining or resting or insisting we slow down. I think he was impressed with my willingness to work in general today. Though the core workouts made me want to puke. I got a little light headed and nauseous in the shower afterwards. I also have giant blisters all over my feet. Walking is not going to be pleasant tomorrow. I can't wait until they turn into calluses. 

I did 1/4 mile on the treadmill this morning. So that means this is my first two mile day! 

Now it's time to snuggle on the couch with some dark chocolate and watch a crappy movie. 

I was going to take a break today. I figure one rest day after seven walking days wasn't too unreasonable. But then I checked the temperature and saw it was 52 degrees outside with nothing but beautiful clear blue skies. No inversion layer. No wind. Just a perfect late winter day. So I had to go for a walk. 

Distance: 1.00
Time: 20:00 

There were a few problems today, though. My back and my ankles really, really started to hurt, and a few times I thought I was just going to have to stop and rest. I didn't. I pushed through it, but it was difficult. Frankly, I'm amazed that my time was so good for the day. This week I'm going to push the walk to 30 minutes and see what my distance is. 

My jaw popped out of place while I was walking. I can't get it to go back and my neck is really sore and tight. I'm going to put some heat on it and try to relax. 

I fell asleep at like 2:30 last night and slept until 11! I feel glorious! It's a lovely day outside, and I was actually really excited to get outside. Jaime made me do some stretches because I'm very, very sore, and that made my leg cramp rather painfully. But once we were through that ordeal, I headed out. It's a bit overcast outside, around 38 degrees, and not windy at all. I took the same route as before. 

Distance: 1.00
Time: 19:30 

I did my first mile under twenty minutes! I'm making progress! ACTUAL PROGRESS! It really doesn't take much to make me happy, and any sign that all of this isn't wasted effort really buoys my spirits. I'm still pretty sore, but I've got lots of cleaning planned for today, and I'm going to push through the pain. It would be really wonderful if we could get this whole pigsty cleaned this weekend, and next week I can just focus on writing and getting ready to go to CA. 

Almost done with the first week! Clear skies today, but it's around 20 degrees, so once again I hied myself to the basement. I decided to try the elliptical today because I thought a low-impact work-out today would be welcome. Holy shit. I barely managed four minutes on that thing! I definitely will use it in the future because it clearly targets muscle groups that aren't currently being used, but I think I'll save it for a few few weeks from now. So back to the treadmill I went. 

Time: 23:00
Distance: 1.00

After I walked, I decided to use the bike, too. 

Time: 6:00 
Distance: 1.00

So with the elliptical, I managed to exercise for 30 minutes today and covered 2.25 miles. Now time for breakfast and some tv watching, then I have a big afternoon of cleaning planned.  

I could not sleep last night. At all. I've always suffered from insomnia, but I can usually get to sleep by 4. Last night I was up until almost 5. Which was strange, because yesterday I was tired all freaking day long. I took a two hour nap in the middle of the day, I dragged ass for the rest of the night, and I barely felt like doing anything. On the other hand, I did drink 2 diet cokes after I woke from my nap (at 6), so I imagine I pretty much shot myself in the foot there. At any rate, I woke up at 11, and as is my practice now, I immediately got dressed and prepared for my walk. 

It's overcast now, but when I was outside there were more blue skies than not. The temperature was about 33 degrees. I chose a new route today, heading east two blocks, then north a block, and then west. The first three blocks were all up hill, which meant the last 2.5 blocks were all downhill. 

Distance: 1.00
Time: 21:06 
Calories burned: 106

I'm slowly but surely shaving time off my walk. I almost felt like I could handle another turn around the block when I was done. And this is why I prefer going outside to the treadmill. I didn't feel all winded, disgusting, gross, or hot, but I still had a better time. 

The blister on my toe is bigger today. And sore. I'm going to leave it alone for now, but if it gets much more painful then I'm popping it and damn the consequences. 

I woke up this morning and I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to get dressed, I didn't want to go downstairs. My neck hurt, my jaw was out of place (thanks TMJ!), and my legs hurt. Plus, my cat just wanted to cuddle and I was good with that. But I forced myself out of bed, I fixed my jaw, and I got myself dressed. It's a bit overcast, 22 degrees, and wintery outside, so I decided to go on the treadmill again. 

I decided to do things a bit differently today. I started on the stationary bike for a "warm-up." 

Time: 5:00
Distance: 1 mile 

After that, I got on the treadmill for my standard mile. 

Time: 24:45 
Distance: 1 mile 

I don't really have any extra thoughts or commentary today. I'm tired. I need to take a shower. I suppose I shouldn't go back to bed, but I kind of want to. Maybe I'll feel better after I shower. 

It's like 20 degrees outside, so though the sun is shining and it looks like a lovely day, I opted for the treadmill in the basement. I really hate the treadmill, and today's experience didn't exactly endear it to me. 

Distance: 1 mile
Time: 30:00 mins
Calories: Don't know 

I think I could have completed the mile faster, but I was faffing around with the controls and walking at a pretty slow pace for the first like 13 minutes. I got up to 2.8 MPH, which I know isn't very fast, but I'm a slow walker, and it's fast for me. I didn't raise the elevation/incline, though. I figure that's the advantage of being on the treadmill, not dealing with the endless hills. 

My legs are twitching right now. I hope that doesn't mean they'll cramp as soon as I stand. I had the great idea of listening to Stephen Fry, and while he's very interesting, I think when I'm on the treadmill I should listen to music. Upbeat, fast music that can carry me through the 25-30 minutes. I shall try to find some today, because I'll probably be using the treadmill again tomorrow. 

I'm so thankful my massage is today! I woke up with an inexplicable pain in the middle of my shoulder and my jaw out of place. On the bright side, except for the swelling in my ankle, which has gone down a bit though hasn't disappeared, my feet did not get all swollen last night. In fact, it was the first time in several weeks that I was able to sit up on the computer until nearly 1 in the morning, instead of being forced to turn in at 11. In a way, this torture is worth the extra two hours of working time at night. 

I think the Celexa is already having a positive impact on my life. I'm starting to feel like my life isn't a a great gray wasteland that can only be tolerated when stoned. At any rate, I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom sink yesterday, which may not sound like much, but I never, ever clean anything. I hardly ever do anything. 

Addendum: Due to my desire to walk twice a day starting next week, I decided I would add a 20 minute walk on the treadmill tonight, Thursday night, and Saturday night, just so I'm in the habit. Hopefully I won't pay for this tomorrow. 

Time: 20 Minutes
Distance: 0.8 mile 

I decided to do my walk first thing today, knowing that if I put it off I might just keep putting it off indefinitely. The weather is overcast and the temperature is currently 38 degrees. I was going to use the treadmill downstairs, but somebody was already on it and I prefer to walk outside. There's more things to see, obviously, but when I get tired at 3/4 of a mile, I have no choice but to keep pushing on if I want to get home again. I listened to Stephen Fry's "Moab is My Washpot" because I never have time to listen to audio books. Same route as yesterday. 

Distance: 1.13 mile
Time: 26 min 06 sec
Calories burned: 131 
Min per mile: 23:03 

Not an improvement on yesterday. In fact, today's walk was more difficult in some respects. Various muscle groups started to twinge and groan. My left shoulder started to hurt. My right side. My left leg threatened to cramp once and still feels a little tight. I came home feeling absolutely exhausted. I feel like now would be a great time to take a nap, not write this blog and start my day. 

I feel like it's impossible for me to meet this goal. Other people could do it. Other people could work hard for 100 days and take this hike. People who aren't me. I'm beginning to realize this is essentially how I live my life. I see things I want to do, but immediately categorize them as "Good for other people, but I could never do it." I've missed out on opportunities doing this, I've sabotaged myself countless times. I might still be sabotaging myself. I suppose this is why I should see a therapist, so I can get out of this destructive way of thinking. 

I know taking these walks won't fix everything that's wrong in my life. I'm constantly worried about money--this isn't going to raise money. I'm constantly worried that I suck as a writer and I'm just fooling myself into thinking I could ever be truly successful at it, and walking certainly won't make me a good writer. I'm a slob. Walking won't help me suddenly become a neat freak. But maybe it WILL make a difference. Maybe if I set a goal that seems out of my reach and actually accomplish it, the list of things that seemed utterly impossible before will suddenly be downgraded to a list of things that are only slightly impossible. 

I've also realized that it might be easier for me to find a job if I lost weight. I know it's stupid of me, especially considering what cruelties I've experienced, but I never thought my weight would be the obstacle between me and gainful employment. And maybe that used to be the case, but now? Now I'm sure it's quite a big obstacle. Even if people aren't consciously trying to be jerks, my weight sends a lot of signals to them, rightly or wrongly. And maybe they're the right signals? I don't know. 

Anyway, I hope it doesn't take more than a week for my poor legs to get accustomed to this, because I do want to start 2 walks a day next week. 

On an optimistic note, my feet did NOT swell up last night. I'm going to keep track of that because I hope that my regular walks will stop that from happening. It's uncomfortable and gross. 

Addendum: My right ankle is swollen, though I'm not in any pain right now and the swelling is localized in a very specific area, as opposed to my whole foot. It's rather troubling, but I'm going to elevate and ice today, and hopefully it'll go down by tomorrow. It's swollen enough that I don't think I could get my shoe on. God, wouldn't it be terrible if simply walking was enough to cause some sort of fracture? No wonder people who get really, really huge just give up and stay in bed.

Weather: Clear and sunny, approximately 41 degrees. 

The first walk to set the bar was twice around the block. I resolved to walk one mile of 20 minutes, whichever came first. But then I realized how dumb that was when 20 minutes passed and I was still 1/4 mile from home. So here are my stats according to the app I'm using: 

Distance: 1.03 mile
Time: 25 min 41 sec 
Calories burned: 129 

I feel tired. I don't think I could have done more today, even if I really wanted to. But I don't feel utterly exhausted. My heels don't hurt at all--I usually get cramps up my calves starting at my ankle, but my legs are just fine. My back hurts, for obvious reasons, and I'm a bit winded. But this feels doable. 

Goal: Go for two walks per day by the end of the week.